I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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