one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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