What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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