DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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