Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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