'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
