So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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