I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's get the cat blown out
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
