i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize