I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
