I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
