I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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