did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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