i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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