a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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