"it" just moved
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
