My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize