If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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