im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
