I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just invented taco cereal.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
