You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize