Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
