i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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