You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
