One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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