Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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