Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
