its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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