My sheets look like a crime scene.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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