you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
