Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
