oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's blow job season.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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