The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
