My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just cropdusted the office
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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