im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
