If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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