it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
