If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
