Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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