The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We have so much sex to catch up on
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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