That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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