OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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