p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize