Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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