why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
40s are totally the cure
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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