did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
