im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Michael Bay diarrhea
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
