I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize