the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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