2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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