with your own penis?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
