I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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