why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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