On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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