its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize