this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
