Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
