I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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