Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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