WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
