just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
