If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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