I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
