Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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