No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
