Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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