I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
