dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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