I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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