don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
