i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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