If that was your dad, he is hot
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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