Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Someone signed my nipple.
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