Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
