I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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