If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
