It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize