I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
