No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
