jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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