remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
