remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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