i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
