i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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