come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You need Xanax blowdarts
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
