there was a trapeze. enough said
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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