I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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