I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
