I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
