bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
