i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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