im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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