I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
