you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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