dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
