Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
