i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just gift wrapped bread.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
