do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
