I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
