I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize