I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
