I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Congratulations! We have a period
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