Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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