people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
