when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
