No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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