normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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