Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize