Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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