i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
