doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
