I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
