You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
