I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
