I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize