Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
