party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize