You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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