U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize