i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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