Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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